


Coffee Shop Soundtrack

by literally_no_idea



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Child Abandonment, Child Neglect, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Graphic Description, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Other, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slut Shaming, Torture, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Tony Stark, Underage Rape/Non-con, Victim Blaming, Waterboarding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-15 21:26:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18081188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_no_idea/pseuds/literally_no_idea
Summary: Tony had been born Elaina Marie Stark on May 29th, 1970, but by the time he was three years old, he knew that he didn’t feel comfortable with the name Elaina. He felt drawn to his father’s work, and all of the amazing machines in Howard’s workshop, and he’d made it his goal to be able to build things just like his dad.By age four, he’d made his first circuit board, and his father had been forced to allow the story to be printed in the newspaper because it had gotten leaked that Tony had made it, and if Howard denied the rumors, it would be as good as saying that his daughter wasn’t the brilliant creation of Howard’s that she should have been.--title from the All Time Low song of the same name.please be mindful of the tags.





	Coffee Shop Soundtrack

**Author's Note:**

> This story includes some pretty graphic descriptions of rape, slut shaming, victim blaming, and internalized self hatred. I'm strongly advising that if you have struggled with these things in the past, that you at the very least prepare yourself before reading this story.
> 
> Once again, please be mindful of the tags on this story. This isn't one of my happier ones.

Tony had been born Elaina Marie Stark on May 29th, 1970, but by the time he was three years old, he knew that he didn’t feel comfortable with the name Elaina. He felt drawn to his father’s work, and all of the amazing machines in Howard’s workshop, and he’d made it his goal to be able to build things just like his dad.

 

By age four, he’d made his first circuit board, and his father had been forced to allow the story to be printed in the newspaper because it had gotten leaked that Tony had made it, and if Howard denied the rumors, it would be as good as saying that his daughter wasn’t the brilliant creation of Howard’s that she should have been.

 

Tony had loved the recognition, the praise from the newspapers and the community, but every comment about “amazing for a girl” and “more like her dad than her mom then, huh?” had made him uncomfortable.

 

Then he’d started making things just for himself, toy cars, a mini robot, two different handheld video games, and Howard had shouted at him, had snatched the creations away from him talking about “more important things” and “a girl’s place,” and Tony’s heart had sunk, he’d watched with horror as his father threw his creations into the scrap metal bins.

 

Tony had been admitted to MIT, and he’d been thrilled by the idea, of finally getting out from under his dad’s control, but then he’d gotten there and he’d been placed under the scrutiny of his male peers, who were at least three years older than him, and his teachers, who were irritated by having to entertain the ideas of such a child, and a girl, at that (even though Tony knew they were wrong, he knew that the ideas they were working with were wrong, but no one believed him, and he didn’t know how to explain that).

 

He’d spent hours upon hours in the library, writing new theories and theses for his different classes, proposals encouraging the teachers to just trust him on this, he could make this  _ work _ , and then he’d fallen asleep in the library one too many times and on a busy night and he’d woken up to being carried out of the hall, yelping as he struggled to get away and the boys holding him just laughed, told him to be quiet, he’d enjoy this.

 

And he’d had to drag himself back into the library afterwards to get his books and notes, and the people in the library had shaken their heads in disgust at the way his hair was messed up and his clothes had been thrown on haphazardly and there were still some stains on his shirt, and he’d had to just gather his things and leave, too ashamed to even try and defend himself.

 

The newspapers had painted him as a slut by the end of the week, and he’d just let them believe what they were going to believe. So what if those kind of incidents became more frequent, and so what if Tony no longer bothered trying to do anything besides just the required work for his classes, that’s all he really needed to do, anyway. And if his roommates kicked him out because they didn’t want to be associated with “that slutty bitch,” Tony had the blueprints to the campus memorized anyway, and it wasn’t hard to find the dumpsters that weren’t used as often to sleep under, and Tony didn't really need much sleep anyway, he always had new ideas to write down, even if he didn’t share them anymore. And if Howard had cut Tony off from all of his money, then that was fine, too, Tony didn’t eat a lot, anyway, and he could usually find a pot of coffee in one of the staff rooms if he was careful enough to not get caught sneaking in and out, and he just needed the coffee to stay awake, everything else was optional.

 

Then in his second year he got spotted under the dumpster by some freshman boy that had apparently decided to explore the whole campus, and Tony had just closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable hands reaching under his shirt, and when they didn’t come, he’d blinked, looking up to see the boy’s eyes blazing with anger, and he’d flinched back when the boy held his hand out, asking if he’d like some food, and a bed to sleep in, because the boy happened to have a double room to himself for the moment and he was in the mood for a milkshake, anyway, and there was this nice little diner down the road with good food and great milkshakes.

 

And Tony had accepted the boy’s offer, mostly because he was scared of what might happen if he said no, but also because this guy seemed pretty nice, and the guy had introduced himself as “James Rhodes, but I’ve also been called Jim before, and sometimes Rhodey,” and Tony had been too scared to introduce himself because if Rhodey didn’t recognize him by now, then revealing who he was would be a quick way to get himself ditched again, and he didn’t want to risk losing what little kindness he was getting right now.

 

Then Rhodey had kept his promise and taken Tony to a small diner, and he hadn’t made fun of the way Tony had scarfed down a double cheeseburger and fries, plus the other half of Rhodey's fries that he hadn’t finished, and he’d even paid for it all, and he’d walked Tony back to his own apartment and he’d been telling the truth, there were two beds in the room and one of them was empty, and Tony had climbed into the bed and slept for more than four hours that night, which was more than he’d slept per night for the last eight months, excluding the day that he had passed out while being held down by three guys in a janitor’s closet and had woken up to the janitor poking him with a mop and telling him to get out.

 

It becomes a constant in Tony’s life; Rhodey seeks him out, offers to take him to get food, and then lets him sleep in the spare bed in his room. In mid-November, Rhodey takes Tony out to eat at the same diner as the first night they’d met, and starts the conversation by clearing his throat. “So, Thanksgiving is coming up, and that means that campus will be closed for a few days,” he starts, and Tony freezes, drink halfway to his mouth, and he sets the glass down.

 

He had known this was coming, so he’s not sure why it still hurts so much. He knows he can’t go home for the holidays, his father had made that clear when he’d cut Tony off, and if campus is closed he won’t be able to sleep in Rhodey’s room, so he’ll need to figure something else out for the holidays. He’s really hoping that it’s not actually going to snow this year, because he’s pretty sure all of his clothes are threadbare by now and that’s going to make it even worse than last year. He suddenly realizes that he never answered Rhodey, and the guy is staring at him. Tony coughs a little.

 

“Uh, yeah, right. It’s okay, I know that I won’t be able to stay in your room over the break, don’t worry about me, I’m fine--”

 

“I wanted to ask if you’d like to come home with me to my parent’s house for the holidays,” Rhodey says, and Tony stops, shocked. Rhodey continues. “It’s not much, and you’ll probably have to put up with my annoying cousins and aunts and uncles and everything, but my mom makes really good stuffing, so maybe that makes up for it?”

 

“You… you’d actually let me go home with you?” Tony asks, and Rhodey frowns.

 

“Yeah, of course? I offered. You’re a lot of fun to be around. Why is it so surprising?”

 

Tony hesitates. He has a million responses on the tip of his tongue,  _ because I’m a slut?, because I’m basically just a stray cat you’ve been feeding and sheltering?, because I’m not the kind of person you bring home to your parents? _ , but none of them feel appropriate, so he settles on “Because you don’t even know me all that well? For all you know, I could be a thief or something?”

 

Rhodey laughs. “You’ve spent most of the semester sleeping in my room, and the only thing you’ve taken so far was when you took the trash out. I don’t think you’re as scary as you think you are. Seriously, though. Do you want to come home with me for the holidays?”

 

That laugh does funny things to Tony’s heart, but he just nods. “I… yeah, I’d like that. Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Tony gets folded into the Rhodes family from the moment Rhodey’s mom opens the door, giving Tony a quick once-over and then nodding. “James, darling, go help set the table. Sweetie, you want to come help me in the kitchen? I can always use an extra pair of hands.”

 

She starts to walk away, so Tony follows her into the kitchen. “I don’t think I’ll be much help, Mrs. Rhodes,” Tony says, and Mrs. Rhodes shakes her head.

 

“I think you’re underestimating yourself, James does that a lot too. And please, Mama Rhodes, if you insist on keeping the last name. Mrs. Rhodes is far too formal. Now let me show you how this works. What’s your name, sweetie?”

 

Tony stammers, trying to figure out what to say so he doesn’t give himself away, but Mama Rhodes just smiles at him. “It’s okay, you’re nervous. That’s okay.” She leans down, like she’s sharing a secret. “Honey, we know your last name. But that doesn’t define you. Who you are, what you do, that’s what really matters. If you don’t want to be a Stark, if you don’t want to be Elaina, we’ll accept you as who you are, not who you’ve been forced to be.” Mama Rhodes straightens back out. “Now, seriously, darling, we need to get this stuffing going.”

 

* * *

 

No one treats Tony any differently at the Rhodes’ house. Even the extended family just pulls him in as family, and no one asks him about the news stories, or the company, or his money, or anything else besides his own personal opinions, and it’s… well, it’s like nothing Tony’s ever experienced before. He’s honestly lost in the rush of people and the compassion that seems to fill every word spoken, and it’s near the end of the night when one of Rhodey’s cousins, Nani, pulls him aside.

 

“Look, feel free to punch me here if I’m wrong, but are you transgender?” she asks, and Tony frowns, head tilting slightly to the side.

 

“Transgender?”

 

Nani nods. “You know, like, you're actually a boy, but everyone thinks you’re a girl just because of your body? Because no one says anything, but my sister, Sunni, she’s the opposite, you know? A girl that everyone thinks is a boy. I knew Sunni was a girl before anyone else, so I thought maybe I was right about you, too.”

 

Tony can’t find the words, because that actually sounds kind of accurate, and now he’s in a panic, because is this why he’s like this? Is this what he’s been dealing with his whole life, and he just never knew it? Nani must see something in his eyes, because she smiles. “Yeah, I’ll give you time to think about that. But if that is who you are, you’ll always be safe here. Promise.” And then she’s walking back to the dining room, and Tony’s never felt so lost in his life.

 

* * *

 

When the next semester starts, Tony makes a trip to the library, despite his best efforts, and looks up anything he can find on transgender people. He doesn’t find much, but what he finds matches up, and now he’s definitely a little panicked, because how can he possibly be transgender when he’s in the spotlight? He’s already been disowned for being a slut, but being like that? The media, and his family, would tear him limb from limb, he can’t…

 

He’s at Rhodey’s dorm before he can think through what he’s doing, and when Rhodey opens the door, he throws himself at the guy, wrapping his arms around him and sobbing. Rhodey stumbles back, closing the door with them inside, and half walks, half carries Tony over to his bed. “Whoa, okay, slow down, what’s going on?”

 

“I… Rhodey, am I transgender? Is that… I’m so confused,” he whispers, pulling away to meet Rhodey’s eyes, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand.

 

Rhodey thinks about his words for a moment before answering. “I think you might be. I’m not you, I can’t tell you what you feel, but… I think it fits. And it’s okay if that’s who you are, too.”

 

Tony starts crying again, and it’s all Rhodey can do to just wait him out, give him time to process what he’s feeling. “But I-I’m already such a mess, and my parents-- the media, I can’t do this. Rhodey, I can’t do this, I’m scared.”

 

Rhodey does pull him into a hug this time. “You can do this. I’ll help you. It’s okay to be scared. But you’ll have the entire Rhodes family behind you. You’ll have me. We’ll help you.”

 

* * *

 

Tony spends weeks agonizing over a name, but when he and Rhodey go back to Rhodey’s parent’s house for Christmas, Mama Rhodes picks a name for him. “I like Anthony,” she says. “It means ‘worthy of praise,’ and that fits you.” Tony’s so choked up with emotions that all he can do is nod, and then the rest of the Rhodes family starts using ‘Anthony’ and ‘Tony’ to refer to him over dinner, and he’s never liked how two words sound so much.

 

* * *

 

Tony picks “Edward” as his middle name himself, chooses it after the car crash. “He was the butler, but he was my friend,” Tony says in a hushed voice, face buried in Rhodey’s shoulder on Rhodey’s bed after the funeral. “His name was Edwin, but I don’t want his actual name to be associated with me, and all the bad things that come with me.”

 

“I think there’s a hell of a lot of good that comes with you too,” Rhodey tells him, but Tony doesn’t change his mind, just starts writing “Anthony Edward Stark” in flowing cursive in the backs of his notebooks when he thinks no one’s looking.

 

* * *

 

Their third Christmas at Rhodey’s comes around, and everyone’s gathered in the living room, handing out the presents. Nani picks up a box, handing it to Tony. “That’s yours,” she says, and Tony takes it, eyes wide.

 

“Mine?” he asks, and Nani laughs.

 

“Yeah, that’s what I said. Oh, here’s another one for you.”

 

Tony takes the second box, holding them both like he’s afraid they’re going to be snatched away any moment now.

 

“Go on, open them, dear,” Mama Rhodes says, and Tony sits down on the floor, carefully peeling the paper off of the first box. He opens it, and when he sees what’s inside, his breath catches in his throat.

 

It’s a chest binder. An honest to god binder. Tony thinks he’s going to break down sobbing right here and now.

 

Mama Rhodes is smiling at him. “James suggested it. It took me a few tries to make something I thought was practical and safe, but it should work. Just don’t overuse it, okay sweetie?” Tony nods, speechless, and Mama Rhodes nods her head at the other box. “Go on, open the other one.”

 

Tony opens the second, much larger box, and inside is a stack of clothes. There’s new shirts, a few pairs of jeans, and a pair of men’s shoes. At the bottom of the box is a few more worn looking shirts, a worn hoodie, and some worn sweatpants. “James insisted on getting you new things, but I had a feeling you might want some of James’ old clothes, too,” Mama Rhodes clarifies, and Tony nods.

 

“I… I love them. I love all of it. Thank you.” He’s still a little overwhelmed, and there’s tears in his eyes, but the moment is broken by Rhodey’s dad.

 

“Tony, son, can you come help me with the lawnmower? Something’s wrong with it, and I can’t figure out what for the life of me.”

 

“Terrence, it’s Christmas, can’t the work wait?” Mama Rhodes says, but Tony stands up, stacking his gifts and setting them neatly in the corner.

 

“It’s okay, Mama Rhodes, it’s not work for me, I love doing it. It’ll only take a few minutes, I promise.”

 

Tony follows Mr. Rhodes into the backyard and, as promised, they’re back inside in less than five minutes.

 

* * *

 

Tony doesn’t tell anyone besides the Rhodes family that he’s trans. He and Rhodey graduate from MIT together (and if both Tony and the Rhodes family know that Tony could have technically graduated a year and a half earlier? well. they don’t mention it) and Tony walks across the stage and gets his diploma with the name Elaina Marie Stark on it.

 

He spends the next few years developing weapons for Stark Industries, leaves the actual business aspect to Obie, and when he finally inherits the company, and the money, the first thing he does is buy new chest binders that he wears when he’s on official company business. At home, he still wears the one Mama Rhodes had made him, but it’s gotten worn and frayed over the years, and it feels wrong to wear it under the fancy designer clothes he’s supposed to wear constantly.

 

Then he goes to do a presentation on the Jericho Missile in Afghanistan, and everything goes wrong. The attack happens, and he wakes up in a dark, damp cave, with bandages wrapped around his chest and a giant hole in it with a car battery attached, and Yinsen is there, he vaguely remembers the name from a party years ago, and his binder is ripped to hell, and even if it wasn’t there's no way he could wear it over the hole in his chest.

 

They torture him. They waterboard him, and he’s terrified that the battery is going to get wet and he’s going to die, cold, afraid, electrocuted in a damp cave in Afghanistan, and he hears Pepper’s voice calling him, and he passes out.

 

When he comes to, he’s laid flat on his back, and there’s men fucking him, using his body, and he’s gagging on the cock down his throat, and everything hurts, and he’s crying, because it’s not like this is a new experience, but he’s just so, so tired, and confused, and he doesn’t want to build weapons for them, he can’t, but he knows that death would be a mercy compared to what they’ll do to him if he doesn’t build the weapons they want. He passes out again, someone’s cock cutting off his air supply, and the last thing he hears as he passes out is Rhodey’s voice, telling him it’s not his fault.

 

* * *

 

He builds a miniature arc reactor, and a suit, and he tells Yinsen that he’s going to get them out of here, he’ll save them both, but he and Yinsen both know that it’s a lie. There’s no way he can save them both, and he knows it. It still hurts when he watches Yinsen die, when Yinsen tells him “don’t waste your life,” and Tony knows that now he has to live, he has to do something good with his life, because he owes Yinsen a debt that he’ll never be able to repay.

 

* * *

 

He makes it out, and he keeps walking, even as dehydration sets in, as starvation sets in, he keeps walking. He hears the helicopters, and he wants to break down crying, wants to curl up and never move again, and he falls to his knees as the helicopters come back around, as Rhodey jumps out and kneels in front of him and pulls him to his chest, tells him “next time, you ride with me,” and Tony laughs, laughs hysterically because what else can he do?

 

* * *

 

Then there’s the new suits, and the battle with Stane, and the news stories that dub him “Iron Man,” and actually, Tony really likes the way that sounds, Iron Man, he could really get used to hearing that, and there’s the press conference and all he has to do is stick to the cards, that’s what Pepper and Agent had told him, stick to the cards, but then he gets up there and everyone’s shouting “Ms. Stark,” and he can’t do it, he can’t keep living a life of lies.

 

“The truth is…” Tony sets the cards down, and takes a deep breath. “This isn’t what you came here today to talk about, but my name is not Elaina Marie Stark. Never should have been. My name is Anthony Edward Stark, and I’m a transgender man. And I, Anthony Edward Stark, am Iron Man.” The room goes into an uproar. And Tony walks away. Because he’s done living someone else’s life. He’s Tony Stark, he’s Iron Man, and he’s going to stay that way.

**Author's Note:**

> You'll find that a lot of my writing has at least some basis in my own life. That applies here too. If you need someone else to talk to that can relate at least on some level to gender identity (I'm personally trans masculine nonbinary) or sexual assault (I've had perpetrators across the age and gender spectrums), then I'm here to talk if you want. Otherwise, here's some really good resources that are more professionally helpful than me just being a friend:
> 
> United States Resources:  
> RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network): [ Website Here ](https://www.rainn.org)  
> Suicide Hotline: Call 1-800-273-8255, or Text "Help" to 741741
> 
> International Resources:  
> Pandora's Project/Pandora's Aquarium (Support, resources, and forum for survivors of rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, and sexual abuse): [ Website Here ](https://pandys.org)  
> List of International Suicide Hotlines: [ Website Directory Here ](http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/International_Suicide_Prevention_Directory)
> 
> Please be safe. Take care of yourselves. You are not alone.


End file.
